Why Selfishness Destroys Relationships (and How to Fix It)

The world teaches us that relationships are about what we can get, our happiness, our needs, our fulfillment. But Christ-centered relationships flip that mindset completely. When Jesus is truly at the center, it’s not about what we can receive, but about how we can serve.

If you want relationships that are healthy and long-lasting, start by asking not “What can they do for me?” but “How can I serve them?”

Selfishness Destroys, Serving Strengthens

When we make ourselves the center, our relationships quickly become transactional. We keep score, hold grudges, and pull away when our expectations aren’t met. But when Christ is the center, our focus shifts from me to we.

Jesus modeled this perfectly. In Matthew 20:28 He said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” If the Savior of the world chose to serve, then serving must become the standard for every Christ-centered relationship.

How to Bring a Serving Spirit Into Your Relationships

Putting others first doesn’t mean losing yourself, it means living like Jesus. Here are a few ways to practice that every day:

• Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show others they matter by giving them your full attention.
• Look for needs you can meet. Whether it’s a word of encouragement or a simple act of kindness, small things make a big difference.
• Choose humility over pride. Say “I’m sorry” first. Offer forgiveness freely.
• Serve together. There’s power when couples, friends, and families serve side-by-side for God’s purposes.

When both people in a relationship live this way, competition turns into collaboration, and tension turns into trust.

The Joy of a Serving Heart

You’ll never find joy by constantly demanding to be served. Real joy comes when you give yourself away. When you put others before yourself, you reflect Jesus more clearly than in any sermon you could preach.

Serving strengthens relationships because it’s fueled by love that expects nothing in return.

Final Encouragement

If you want your relationships to thrive, make the choice to serve.

Serve when it’s convenient and when it’s not. Serve when it’s noticed and when it’s unseen.

Because when Christ is at the center, serving isn’t a burden, it’s a blessing.

Let’s Keep Growing

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Pastor Aaron